Kaiju Big Battel has encapsulated and brought joy audiences in various cities for over thirty years. Next week, everything will culminate at the Bell House in Brooklyn, NY, as “The Grand Finale” to KBB’s long string of anniversary battels and fightos will come to an end this year. Ahead of this monumental occasion, Kaiju United was able to speak with Vinnie D’Lux, commentator and emcee at Kaiju Big Battle, to gain an insight into the world of KAIJU, the dastardly and evil Dr. Cube, and what fans can expect from this upcoming show. Read on below or watch the full interview on our YouTube channel.
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JL: Jacob Lyngle
VDLX: Vinnie D’Lux
JL: Hello, Kaiju United! I’m here with Vinnie D’Lux, the announcer, emcee, and more for Kaiju Big Battel! Vinnie, did you want to go ahead and introduce yourself to the Kaiju United community?
VDLX: I would absolutely love to! Friends and folks, people of Kaiju United, if you are unfamiliar, let me tell you a little something. I am Vinnie D’Lux… emcee, host, announcer, if you will. General voice, talkie-talkie man of Kaiju Big Battel, the number one & only place to see live giant monster fightos in a town near you.
I can only do so much to contain the madness, the monstrosity, and the absolute mayhem that happens in cities around the world. From Canada to Japan to right here in the good old U S of A, we are there celebrating 30 years of Kaiju Big Battel. 30 years of fightos. Jacob, do you know how many buildings we’ve destroyed in 30 years? How many we tear through in one night?
JL: Too many!
VDLX: That’s right. Too freaking many. And if that gets your goat, if that’s the thing that gets you sick freaks excited, then you’re going to absolutely love what Kaiju Big Battel has to offer.
JL: When did you first join the world of Kaiju Big Battel?
VDLX: Honestly, I am actually, believe it or not, relatively new to the scene for Kaiju Big Battel. Despite that, I have been downloading as much information off of LimeWire as humanly possible to be as prepared as necessary for this position. I’ve only been with KBB for two years now. Two years and already the absolute horrors I’ve seen brought upon the townships across the world has been absolutely amazing, and the honor of a lifetime.
JL: What was the moment that made you go, “I want to be in the thick of this. I want to be in the middle of these great battles between food items and creatures of unusual size, just demolishing buildings.” What’s the thrill?
VDLX: The thrill is getting to be able to, well, first off, to see and be seen by the beautiful, the amazing Kaiju Big Battel Universe; the kaiju fans themselves. Since I was a young D’Lux, a Junior D’Lux, if you will, I have always been just attracted to monster on monster violence. There’s something about creatures, otherworldly creatures, creatures that that form from the ground, from the magma of volcanoes, from the minds of absolute Mad Men going head to head, and the stories they tell. It’s kind of like… (pauses) Jacob, you seem like a cricket guy. I’m assuming you’re familiar with cricket, right?
JL: Actually, no, I don’t know a thing about cricket.
VDLX: Okay, then I have no actual context to give there. Let’s just say I truly enjoy watching monsters fight, and even as a young junior D’Lux, sort of sitting in my bedroom looking out the window as my poor township got destroyed by Dusto Bunny and Valfor, I thought to myself, this is great! …As long as they stay outside of the five mile radius from my condo. This is absolutely fantastic. At the time, I found myself as a lonely kid with minimal friends narrating these battles. So truthfully, this is one of those things that I could say I was born for.
JL: All of these kaiju are causing mass destruction wherever they go. How do we tell which monsters are good, and which monsters we gotta watch out for? I mean, they’re all monsters, right?
VDLX: They are monsters, but not all monsters are made the same. They’re not all cut from the same cloth. You know, many of the monsters we have, many of our kaiju heroes, are specifically here to help protect us. They’re here to help save us from the biggest evildoers that roam the Earth, the members of Dr. Cube and his posse. This is the same Dr. Cube who has brought evil upon this world and has taken from all sorts of shady government ops and built these monsters & minions in his own image, through some of the most dastardly and disgusting means.
And so with that said, while not all monsters are going to be just stamped with the Dr. Cube symbol or the hero symbol, I am here to help guide you, the Kaiju fans, to understand fully who is here to protect us, who is here to save the day. You will be able to tell the heroes like American Beetle and Powa Ranjuru from the evils like Hell Monkey and Gomi-man. That being said, a monkey made of pure hell fire and a giant trash monster.. I could only assume you could see those as bad monsters. Now, granted, don’t judge a book by its cover, but those are kind of giveaways, right? A New Jersey trash monster – I’m just saying it’s not something you necessarily want your home. Hopefully, that helps a little bit. But whenever you get confused, never fear. Vinnie D’Lux, and my counterparts that I must shout out, such as Billy McGuirk, Clybo, Joe Kappa, Stu Stickerstone, and the other various members of the Kaiju announce team, are here to help & guide you through the need to knows of Kaiju Big Battel.
JL: Is there a sect of the Kaiju Universe that praises the actions of Dr. Cube? Or is everyone in agreement that he’s a dastardly and disgusting foe?
VDLX: Look, you are bound to stumble over a few bad eggs here – a few people who think it’s cool to be anti, like the kind of folks who cheer for the Joker instead of Batman. I get it and I understand, but if I can’t change your mind, I hope that the actual machination of seeing Dr. Cube in action and doing his despicable dirty work in front of you when you’re at an event does the job. That usually speaks for itself. Everyone wants to be anti and cool until you actually see the villains and by that point, the Kaiju faithful, the Kaiju Universe, tends to make the right decision in the end,
JL: Yeah, I mean, he tore up the Maple Leafs jersey… while in the middle of Canada!
VDLX: What a despicable action. What, what an absolute jerk. See, he does it and that just gives him joy. How can you cheer for such a guy that goes out of his way to decimate the very thing people hold sacred?
JL: You frequently bring up this Dr. Cube guy. For the KU community who may not be up to speed, who is this evildoer? Do we know anything about where he came from?
VDLX: The far back origins of Dr. Cube remain a mystery to many. However, Cube was once a member of the Kaiju Regulatory Commission, until he became disillusioned. You know, I think there was always an evil streak within Dr. Cube, of course, with him stealing a lot of the [KRC] information to go off and to do his own thing. The few other things we know about Dr. Cube was that he was once a plastic surgeon who was so obsessed with perfecting his own face, with making it absolutely gorgeous, absolutely beautiful. That is, until a faithful day, whether it was purely an earthquake or possibly a Kaiju rumble shaking the earth beneath him, caused him to disfigure his face horribly and utterly into just… Oh God, the image of his true face just popped into my head. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
JL: Oh, you’re okay. You’re okay.
VDLX: I’ve seen his face. I’ve seen it. Many who have been to our shows have seen it. Not good, which is why he wears the giant cube mass to protect his face, because he doesn’t want anyone seeing how absolutely hideous he is… as ugly on the outside as he is on the inside.
JL: Kaiju Big Battel is celebrating 30 years this year. Is there there’s a reason the Battels and Fightos have continued on for three decades? Do you think it’s because evil will always rise again and good will be there to face it? Or is there something greater?
VDLX: I’m not here to divulge into the inner workings of the Kaiju Regulatory Commission and how this stuff maintains, partially because they don’t answer my emails. But what I can tell you is, you know, Kaiju have caused chaos around the globe for eons, really long before the KRC was able to maintain, control, and manage these fightos into, you know, something that was a little more controlled with a referee, such as our wonderful ref, “You Call That A Knife” Dundee. Truthfully, it’s gone on this long because there is no stopping them. There is no ending them.
You cannot just stop the kaiju. We are just mere humans in the world. We are just these, these tiny, insignificant ants compared to what is essentially these God-like creatures roaming the earth. That said, the reason why it’s gone on this long is because they’ve been maintained. Had the Kaiju Regulatory Commission not stepped in in the first place, humanity would have ended long ago, and therefore, with it, any violence that Kaiju have caused would just be flattened to absolute desert. It’s gone on this long not because they want to, not because we want to, but because it has to, Jacob, it absolutely has to.
JL: Can you shed any light on the Kaiju Regulatory Commission?
VDLX: (Gets up, peels back curtain from window, and whispers) …I’m not at liberty to talk about the KRC.
(Looks over shoulder) That being said, the Kaiju Regulatory Commission is what upholds the rules, what upholds the standings, and what sanctions these bouts. They keep these kaiju in control, so they don’t turn on humanity.
JL: You keep looking over your shoulder. I think that explains it all.
VDLX: If you see a red dot anywhere, please let me know.
JL: It’s kind of hard to see with that red jacket you’re wearing.
VDLX: I realize my color choice was maybe a mistake in this instance.
JL: So, it’s clear we don’t know a lot about this shadowy organization known as the KRC. That being said, how come the KRC doesn’t just contain this Dr. Cube guy? Seems like they have the technology to do so.
VDLX: Dr. Cube, as loathe as I am to say it, is a certified genius, and that’s not necessarily me giving him his flowers. That is the both legal and medical term for how his brain works. Dr. Cube has not been contained, because somehow he managed to elude containment. This Dr. Cube, I speculate, also holds an important part of the kaiju big battle ecosystem. Without a common enemy, it is possible these monsters turn on each other. At that point, what happens next? Does a new villain rise up from the ashes of the kaiju monsters turning on each other? It’s hard to tell. Do we take that chance? I think not.
I understand you, much like many of the people watching, are probably fearing Dr. Cube. That is not only expected, but that’s also encouraged by us. But lo and behold, the KRC has it under management. And our kaiju heroes do and always will prevail… at least so far. that could all change. That is, of course, until December 8, our next and final 30th anniversary show Kaiju Big Battel.. the grand finale, where everything is on the line. Jacob, I need to ask you, as a professional researcher, do you know about the mystical Kaiju Coins?
JL: I am not. Please fill the KU community in on these coins as well.
VDLX: No worries, as this is probably the crux of everything. The balance of the world itself hangs on the line, on December 8 at Kaiju Big Battel 30th Anniversary Part 11: The Grand Finale. See, this year the Kaiju Regulatory Commission decided, for the 30th Anniversary, we would be holding a tournament, a Kaiju Coin tournament. At the beginning of the year, every kaiju was gifted one coin, and throughout the year, those coins could be wagered in every single fight. If a Kaiju wins, they earn that coin. If they end up losing all their coins, they are fully out of the tournament, unless agreed upon by the KRC. The idea is that the kaiju with the most coins at the end of the year, can use that to fund the mystical Pearl of Power. Jacob, we need the pearl of power, because according to legend, is capable to summon a wish granting Dragon… or a dragon named Grant from Wish.com, right? It’s a little hazy on the translation there.
Either way, a Kaiju that wins may or may not allegedly get their greatest wish granted. And of course, things are looking pretty tight right now as Dr. Cube, the evil, despicable creature that he is, actually pooled all his minions and all his evil henchmen’s coins to give him a head start at the beginning of the year. Dr. Cube has had the advantage. Granted, things are looking a little bit evened out right now. The kaiju heroes have been able to thwart him, but cube is still looking pretty good at where he stands, and it is possible that Cube could get the most coins and fund the mystical Pearl of Power. Through that, Dr. Cube could get that wish granted by the dragon. If that is the case, we do not know what horrors & chaos that he will bring upon the world. And I hope, to God, I hope, and I pray every night, like the good little Vinnie D’Lux that I am, that our kaiju heroes can put a stop to that menace, finally, and keep them from getting those coins.
JL: How can we watch this go down?
VDLX: We are having this fight in the beautiful home of Kaiju Big Battel, the place where we tend to have so many of our great shows and bring so many of our kaiju Universe together, at the Bell House in Brooklyn, New York. Of course, if you do not live in New York and you’re still like, yes, I want to see this. I need to know what happens. I need to cheer on my favorite kaiju from afar. Well, you are in luck, guys, because we will be streaming this live and for free on the KBB YouTube channel where we’ve been putting a lot of our shows on lately. What a great way for you to get to know other kaiju fans across the world and see how this shakes out. Together, we can see how this tournament ends and how the story, how the 30 years of Kaiju Big Battel, culminates.
JL: I didn’t know that it’s going to be live streamed. That’s fantastic.
VDLX: I hope to go ahead and see you there. Where are you based, Jacob?
JL: We’re based in Salt Lake City, Utah.
VDLX: I hope you can enjoy your half alcohol content beer while you are watching Kaiju Big Battel, live on YouTube.
JL: Hey, man, we just got 6% beer in our grocery stores. We’re making progress.
VDLX: Mazel Tov, Jacob, you see already. What better way to celebrate than spending the other 94% of your energy on Kaiju Big Battel?
JL: Recently, there was an epic battle in Japan, I think for the first time. Could you shed some light on having some of those fightos in Japan, arguably the home of the Kaiju?
VDLX: Absolutely. For the first time ever, Kaiju Big Battel was able to make their way all the way to Japan. It’s home for a number of our kaiju, but for many of us, a first time endeavor. It was an absolutely amazing showing. And I gotta say, the Kaiju fans of Japan did not disappoint. It was an absolutely amazing time where, amongst other things, we saw the return of human kaiju hero and longtime friend, Lingerie Muto, making his return to the Kaiju Big Battel Universe and up with the hero Unicorn Party, to go against Hell Monkey & Dr. Cube.
More importantly, of course, Dr. Cube had just won the Kaiju Grand Championship Belt at RPM Fest in Montague, Massachusetts, just a month before, and things were looking at their absolute bleakest as he was having so many coins and the belt itself. But thanks to the help of Lingerie Muto, Unicorn Party came home and was able to bring the belt back with him to be the new Kaiju Grand Champion. On top of that, we also saw the return of one and only Baby Sky Deviler, a space alien that was once abandoned due to Dr. Cube killing its mother and left in the care of Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle Soup to raise her as his Sensei and her father. Baby Sky Deviler is now all grown up to be the next Sky Deviler, the one that prophecy foretold would be the greatest Kaiju fighter of all time. Now back with her adoptive father, Kung Fu Chicken Noodle Soup, it is possible she may fill that prophecy. Lots of amazing and game-changing things happened in Japan. And while we had an absolutely amazing time. It certainly will not be the last time we appear.
JL: I know that a lot of secrets are contained within the KRC, but can we expect any other first time Battels in any other areas in 2025?
VDLX: We are working on some stuff right now. I cannot confirm nor deny where exactly. Again, the KRC not returning my emails. I have put the double exclamation point things on all of them, and maybe five a day is too much, but nonetheless, they are still not giving me what I need to know. I simply appear when I am summoned. That being said, going into 2025, and beyond, if you thought the last 30 years of Kaiju Big Battel have been special and absolutely insane, I can promise you… you have not seen anything yet. We have only just begun. Consider the first 30 years an absolute 30 years of starting, because we have so many more places to go, and the world is truly our oyster. Also possible, based on some top secret files I read, the world is actually an oyster. I also could be wrong because no one’s outside after I’ve said that. So maybe, maybe disregard
JL: Perhaps they’re saying, hey, Vinnie is full of it. We’ll walk away this time.
VDLX: Yeah, yeah. I mean, look, it’s very, very possible. I’m simply getting this from the Dark Web and things that have been photocopied and sent to me, and not the other Vinnie D’Lux that I say works in the office. We’re completely unrelated. I think the emails are just too similar.
JL: Huh, okay. Vinnie, I want to get to know you a little bit. Do you have a favorite heroic kaiju fighter?
VDLX: Honestly, it would be like picking your favorite child, if all of your children were at least 60 stories tall or more. It is truly hard to pick an absolute favorite. So I would say all of them. That being said, my favorite kaiju is the one that evening that winds up beating up Dr. Cube. Some notable favorites in the past include creatures like Steam-Powered Tentacle Boulder, a former long time Kaiju Grand Champion, the aforementioned Unicorn Party, who at one point almost tag teamed with my mother, but ended up going with somebody else in the end. There’s also Powa Ranjuru, who has often come to the aid to save the day of many of our heroes, and even a hero like Japandroid, who has only come back in recent years after finally finding that battery high atop the Himalayas. It’d be hard to pick one I like the most, but I can pick one I like the least, and that’s Dr. Cube.
JL: During my intensive research into the world of Kaiju Big Battel, I did see that French Toast heroically and tragically lost his life saving the lives of other heroic kaiju. Can you comment on that at all?
VDLX: Rarely does such a selfless act move even the most professional of us to absolute tears. The loss of French toast is still something that ruminates through the Kaiju Universe. It’s something we all think about. It’s hard to really put into words what French Toast has meant to the kaiju community. But his memory… his legacy… his flavor will not be forgotten. Our hearts are out to French Toast’s family, to the country of origin where he is regarded as a hero, and we thank him for his service.
JL: What an amazing eulogy. I hate to bring this up, but in the announcement for French Toast’s unfortunate passing, they said that he may be able to come back, or he may be able to be rebuilt. Is that possible for kaiju? Can they just come back from the brink like that?
VDLX: It is not unheard of for our Kaiju to come back. You know, we have seen them come back in various different forms. One of the members of Los Banos, Pablo Plantain was, was killed in battel and brought back as a Zombie Plantain. Bear Ranger, once a great close friend of Burger Bear, died and was brought back by Dr. Cube and brainwashed to be almost more bear than ranger to join his posse. Kaiju have come back from death in the past. Is it possible? Well, in the world of Kaiju Big Battel, anything is possible.
It’s hard for me to say again, because the KRC will not, and I repeat, will not return my emails. And I’ve tried from various burner accounts. I’ve, you know, IG DM’d them, as the kids say. I’ve gotten a “Who dis?” at one point, which is probably the most information I’m able to get. I, for one, would love to see French Toast back, unless of course, he is zombified, brainwashed back in pieces, or working for Dr. Cube in any other way, in which case, I hope that creature stays dead.
JL: Could the Kaiju universe attempt to email the KRC, or is that a bad idea?
VDLX: I wouldn’t suggest it, not because they can’t or anything bad would happen, but because the heartbreak of them not emailing you back after trying so many times, using many different aliases, or in my instance, paying for various outlook accounts. It’s heartbreaking. It takes an emotional toll as someone who’s been through this now for a while, and I don’t want to wish that emotional pain on anybody. However, you can always interact with our socials. If you want to, Kaiju Big Battel is on Twitter, on Instagram, on Facebook… hell, you know what? We just got a BlueSky recently! You can find Kaiju Big Battel there. It won’t go to the KRC, but it will go to an absolutely lovely person who is managing all our social accounts.
JL: Are there any essential battels or fightos that someone has to see when first diving into KBB?
VDLX: Well, I would argue that many of our many of our best, if you’re looking for what I believe the Japanese call an amuse-bouche, if you will… we absolutely have some great, great battles throughout Kaiju history on our YouTube channel over there, including some full fightos and some of our recent stuff as well. We also have a southern division because Kaiju Big Battel is too big to be contained to just one area. And many of the shows of our southern division do happen to be on WWN Live. If you have a subscription, you can watch it there. Of course, we even do still do DVDs. We have a lot of DVDs of our old shows and some of compilation shows as well. In terms of discovery and ones to watch, honestly, you can’t go wrong with those. You can find some of the early shows we did with G4 in its original incarnation.
Lastly, we’re going to maybe look at trying to make this available… we’ll figure this out. I believe it was a two hour pack on MTV2, back when people were still watching MTV2. See, that’s how long we’ve been around. While I’ve not been able to get in touch with the KRC, because, again, emails, I have been able to talk to a person who once told me that he was an intern, and his uncle, who worked for Nintendo, used to work for the KRC, there is talks of finding ways to make all of our fightos available digitally. It will take some time, but it is being researched and developed, again, by an intern who said his uncle worked for Nintendo. So we’ll see where that lands…
JL: Vinny, I hate to cut you off, but it seems like there’s somebody else in this recording with us. I’m going to add him to this virtual room and see what happens…
(DR. CUBE ENTERS THE CHAT)
VDLX: Oh, thank God he’s got the mute on. Thank God someone put the mute on this beast, on this monster. Cube, what are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be here. This is my interview. I cannot believe this dude is interrupting me like this…
DR. CUBE: HELLO?
VDLX: Ugh, Cube. What are you doing here? You’re interrupting my interview.
DR. CUBE: This is my podcast now. I came here to set the record straight. You say my name three times and oh, big shocker… Dr. Cube shows up!
(Vinnie & Dr. Cube unintelligibly arguing) Shut up, Vinnie. Shut up. Who do you think you are coming onto my podcast and pretending like you don’t know what’s happening? I’m at home. Vinnie, okay? I don’t have time for all these games that you like to play.
VDLX: We’re not playing games. We’re trying to promote… to tell the fans about how Kaiju Big Battel is, and having you here–
DR. CUBE: (Interrupts) I have an idea. How about the fans don’t show up this time to the Smell House in Brooklyn? What would it provide if none of those wretched Kaiju Heroes show up? You are all like, oh, look at me, oh, look at us clapping for the heroes. No! How about only CUBE fans this time? That would be so refreshing, Vinnie. It would be so refreshing if someone, anyone, would be like, “Yes, Dr. Cube knows what’s up!” Because he does!
VDLX: If it were all Dr. Cube fans, it would be an empty Bell House. We’d have no one to watch Kaiju Big Battel.
DR. CUBE: I’m sorry, you think that no one would show up to see the greatest mastermind, creator of almost 10,000 city crushing monsters get his true wish, Vinnie?
JL: He wants to be in the Smosh videos again, Vinnie, he’s just a rip-off of Boxman from Smosh.
DR. CUBE: Oh yes, yes. I would love to go back to 2009!
VDLX: Yeah, honestly, I think there is legal ramifications. I think at this point, cube has and will go after Boxman. It has been done before. He’s gone after people for worse. You know, I once said my head was shaped like a shape, and Cube said that statement was too close, and sued me. That’s why this green screen is behind me, and not a real set. Jacob, you really have to be careful when talking about litigations with Dr. Cube
DR. CUBE: Yeah! I don’t even have green screen. Look behind me. That’s real!
VDLX: Don’t rub it in. You’ve already interrupted by interview–
DR. CUBE: (Interrupting) –you interrupted me! I was at home having a nice glass of chardonnay, and I had to come here for you to set the record straight. Again, you don’t even know what my wish is, Vinnie, okay? You don’t know. You don’t care, either, do you?
VDLX: I do in that I don’t think it’s going to be good for the world. I think if you –
DR. CUBE: Well I’ve got news for you, Vinnie, wishes are for fools! And my wish will be that all the kaiju heroes go away… FOREVER!
VDLX: No! We need them!
DR. CUBE: Vinnie, what could be the worst possible thing that could happen?
VDLX: You take over the world and….?
DR. CUBE: Ohohohoh, suddenly it’s not cool to take over the world as a megalomanic evil genius?
VDLX: Yes, I don’t think it was ever cool.
DR. CUBE: Tell that to 76% of Americans.
VDLX: Wow, you really hit that…
DR. CUBE: It’s topical, Vinnie! It’s topical!
VDLX: No, no, no. Look, as long as we have Kaiju Heroes here in place to protect us, there is still hope in the world.
DR. CUBE: (Stands up) I will not stand for this. I will not stand for this. I will – hold up. I stood up. That doesn’t count. The jokes aren’t funny if I have to explain them to you, Vinnie, and Jacob!
VDLX: Jacob, I’m so sorry. I did not intend this to happen. Dr. Cube always finds a way to weasel his way into stuff. I’m only feeling brave enough to say this because I’m not currently standing next to… is that a Rubik’s cube? Are you solving that while I’m trying to speak to you?
DR. CUBE: IT’S A CUBE. GET IT?
JL: He *did* say he had to explain it to us for it to be funny.
VDLX: No, no, don’t encourage him.
DR. CUBE: It’s prop comedy, okay? Prop comedy. You wanted me to go back to 2009, Jacob!
VDLX: Well, Jacob, he’s got you there. Well, Dr. Cube, since you are here… is your wish going to yield positive results for the kaiju universe? Or do we have to worry—
(Interrupted by Dr. Cube doing weird stuff on his webcam)
He’s so mean, he’s so Jacob. He’s so mean. Why is he so mean?
JL: I don’t know. He’s even painted on mean eyebrows for that hideous face.
DR. CUBE: These aren’t painted on!
VDLX: Are they not?
DR. CUBE: No, they’re felt. They’re three dimensional! Like A CUBE!
VDLX: Wow, I guess that makes sense, like a square… okay, they’re not real.
Dr. CUBE: Is any of this real, Vinny?
JL: Dr. Cube, for the folks reading at home, are we living in a simulation?
DR. CUBE: (Ignores) Jacob, back me up on this. You seem like an intelligent older man. Surely, you believe that Dr. Cube, brilliant mastermind and creator of almost 10,000 city crushing monsters, should truly win and get my one wish.
JL: I just met you…
VDLX: Make the right choice, Jacob.
DR. CUBE: (Unintelligible discourse)
VDLX: Well, look, you know, in the end, whether or not, Jacob, teams up with Dr. Cube, I know for the fact that the people of Brooklyn will stand against you, Cube. And on December 8 at the Bell House in Brooklyn, whether nerd or member of the Kaiju faithful, they will stand up against the likes of you, Dr. Cube. They will keep you from earning those coins, from getting that pearl of power, and keep you from getting control, because it’s all that stands between you and absolute anarchy.
DR. CUBE: Yes, then none of those nerds shall ever stop me from stealing… erm… acquiring in full legal way…the coins. Those coins will be mine. No one can stop me, not even the stupid Unicorn Party, or Silver Potatoes, or even those dumb Plantains.
VDLX: Those are some of the greatest heroes in the world! They are here to protect us from the likes of you, and I can’t wait to see you finally get… and I’m only saying this now because we’re not in the same room…
DR. CUBE: That’s right, say it now, keyboard warrior! Say it now, because when I see you in December, you shall not have a chance to speak those words to me.
VDLX: That’s a fair point. But right now I am brave, and I am thirsty, and the way I see it, Dr. Cube, you will be stopped. And if you the Kaiju faithful, if you the new fans want to see this happen, and you’re in the New York area, grab your tickets today before they sell out, or you can watch it live on YouTube. You can finally see Dr. Cube get his due, and a kaiju hero rise up and save the day, get that wish, and make all right in the world.
JL: I’d pay money to see Dr. Cube get his ass kicked.
DR. CUBE: First of all, you sit your $5 butt down before I come through the screen and make change.
VDLX: Oh, he might be able to do that. He might be able to he may have that technology.
DR. CUBE: Now, we will give the people what they truly want. Dr. Cube, their one true leader, their one true love, getting everything he and no one else will ever possibly want, just me, just me, all me, all mine, baby! And that’s what will happen.
JL: Well, don’t think that’ll happen, but I have to wrap this up, because Vinnie has got a lot of lasers pointed at him after our talk, and so…
DR. CUBE: I cannot believe you’re even in the same room as me.
JL: …I’ll let this cardboard incel leave this interview now..
VDLX: Virtual room, Cube.
JL: Yeah, he’s a long way from Salt Lake City. He’s not coming into this town.
VDLX: You just told him where you live, dude. Oh, my god.
DR. CUBE: I was in Salt Lake City once. Yes, I married five women there! (laughs)
JL: Okay, then. Anyways, I gotta go hop off and, you know…
DR. CUBE: Go shower?
JL: Exactly. Well, anyways, this guy is going to go bye bye, just like he will at the next Battel. Vinnie, sorry for interruption, but I wanted to thank you for hopping on and chatting with Kaiju United about the world of Kajiu Big Battle.
VDLX: I’ve gotten used to it. I’ve gotten used to that buffoon butting his way into people’s business, and that’s fine, because the Kaiju Heroes will butt back December 8, live at the Bell House on YouTube. If you want to see that that ignoramus, that schmuck, get what’s coming to him, then I hope to see you there.
